In the coming Central Minnesota Catholic
magazine, you’ll see a picture of me with Legos.
You can read the story – about being curious
and lifelong learning – but the picture is a Lego
set of Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris, about to
reopen after the 2019 fire.
I spent a few minutes a day this summer with the 4,383 pieces,
following the instruction book, slowly assembling this model. But
you, in your families, spend 24 hours a day, with so many
moving pieces and no illustrated guide for how to build strong,
healthy, faith-filled domestic churches – the real thing, growing
in our midst.
This might feel a bit like plagiarizing, but a recent “Friday
Feed” from the magazine’s weekly online update highlighted the
work of Greg and Lisa Popcak, with their “Future Faithful
Families Project.” I direct you to the story
adults/) but share a few key points here.
One of the most common concerns those in ministry hear is about
children and grandchildren who do not belong to a church or no
longer practice their faith. If you have this struggle, know that
you are not alone. The article notes that “a recent study found
that only 15% of children raised in Catholic homes will grow up
to be faithful Catholic adults.” Rather than lament the 85% -
striking as that is – we can ask what happens in 15% of families
where faith takes root.
“We found that while things like regular Mass
attendance, Catholic education, youth ministry and
parish involvement were important, they were seen by
these families as secondary and supportive of the way
they lived their faith at home.
… While families who successfully raised all of their
children to a faithful adulthood did have regular family
prayer times, that doesn’t appear to be the main factor
responsible for their success. What mattered most was
a family dynamic in which the family (especially the
children) experienced their faith as the source of the
warmth in their homes. [They] experienced their family’s
faith as something that drew them together in good
times and bad. … these families faced the same
stressors and conflicts that all families encounter. Still,
they felt their family prayed about these problems in a
way that led to better conversations and stronger
relationships.”
The Popcaks points to three main habits these families develop:
relationship, rituals and reaching out.
To paraphrase their advice:
Be intentional about scheduling regular family time and
not letting extracurricular activities squeeze out
time for things like family meals, a family day or
other important family rituals throughout the week.
Allow children to participate in activities in ways
that support their family life rather than competing
with it.
Be affectionate in visible, supportive ways. Children
grow best with affirmation, demonstrations they
are loved, and healthy boundaries.
Practice gentle guidance approaches to discipline.
Create structures to encourage good behavior
but do not shame children for failures or use
heavy-handed punishments. Instead, treat
misbehavior as an opportunity to teach better
approaches to handling emotions or
challenging situations. The adult children
interviewed reported feeling “listened to” not
“lectured.”
Develop strong family rituals. Regularly work,
play, talk, and pray together. Play games and
do activities together as well.
Make time to talk about meaningful things like how
God is present in your lives and events.
Find ways to a blessing to others: good manners at
home and with strangers, acts of service, a
family project to save money for use as
charitable giving.
The Popcaks call this “the Liturgy of Domestic Church Life.”
Maybe it sounds simple or even simplistic. Certainly there
are many daily challenges to all of these suggestions. But
it’s like building the cathedral – one stone, one pillar, one
paving stone, one brace at a time. The result will not be
visible in the near term.
Notre Dame took 97 years to build in the 12th-13th
centuries, and has been renovated repeatedly over the
years. It has stood for over 750 years as a place where
God’s love flows into the world.
Your families, though, are meant to endure eternally –
relationships in every place, where God’s love flows into
the world.
Add a piece to that building today.
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