A story is told of an anthropologist who
lived for a time among the natives of
northern Siberia. He was frequently
accosted by giggling young maidens who
showed up at his door and pelted him
with freshly killed lice. The anthropologist
eventually learned that among northern Siberians,
lice-throwing was a customary manner for a woman to
declare her interest in a man and indicate that she was
available for marriage. Quite the mating ritual.
When Jesus speaks about a man and woman becoming
one flesh, he is speaking of a marriage where friendship
is present. A lasting marriage is based on more than
passion and feelings. It is based on the two sharing at
the deepest level their faith, values, and spirituality. A
shared faith in God creates a love which endures when
beauty fades, when finances fail, when physical or
mental health deteriorates, when troubles come, or when
death visits. Shared faith deepens a love which sustains
when friends or relatives disappoint, when jobs are lost,
when trust is tested. A shared faith in God makes for the
deepest degree of compatibility that can exist between
a man and a woman. With a friendship built on faith,
the married love of a husband and wife will endure the
changes and challenges life brings, and only death can
put them a part.
Yet we know that not all marriages find such strength.
Divorce does happen. Sometimes the couple involved do
not make the sacrifices necessary to have a lasting
marriage. There are times when divorce is the best for
all involved. As a Christian community we need to hold
up the ideal of a lasting marriage and to provide the
helps for a couple to work out their differences and
create a lasting friendship. We also need to be there to
support those who have divorced. It is not our right to
know all the details or to pass judgment. Our
responsibility is to be welcoming. It is hard for a
divorced person to join us because they feel all eyes
are on them, they feel isolated, like a fifth wheel.
Those who are divorced can still receive the
sacraments and participate in parish life. When a
divorced person remarries without an annulment, they
are not to receive the sacraments. Annulments do not say
a marriage did not happen or that there was never any
love in the relationship. An annulment explores whether
the couple were fully able to give of themselves to each
other in marriage. Some grounds for annulments:
immaturity, infidelity, additions, unwillingness to have
children.
Bottom line: the ideals of a lifelong marriage and a
stable family that are held up to us in the readings
today are still valid. But we humans struggle to
reach those ideals. We are limited and frail. We
rely on God’s understanding and mercy. We also
need to offer each other support. We are all in this
together.
Commenti